I can't sleep. I am exhausted but I think I had too much diet coke tonight because I have energy. I thought I would write a quick update.

Trevor had a good night with my parents. I mentioned his bedtime ritual. It consists of him taking him melatonin and then having his shower (yes my 3 yr. old showers), which I feel helps him to relax and let it kick in. Apparently my mom totally undressed him before letting the water warm up and he pee-ed on the bathroom rug. That is just great.

Trevor seems totally un aware of his own body. Many 3 1/2 year olds are potty trained but he is on a completely different planet when it comes to that stuff. The only other time he pee-ed on the floor was about 6 months ago when he got away from me while I was changing a diaper. He started going on the floor in the hallway and as it hit the carpet, the wetness splashed back up at him and scared him half to death.  He had no idea what was going on. It was actually really sad.

Many people with autism are never able to be potty trained and I am prepared for that possibility. Well....as much as you can be. Diapers are expensive and gross. I dont want to be changing him when I am aging and tired. But a lot of things in life don't turn out the way you planned. Trevor's autism has caused a lot of change around here. Most of it has been difficult.

There is an older woman who lives close by that owns a laundromat. I clean it for her sometimes to earn extra money for our family. One day she asked me how things were going and I simply smiled and said, "oh, good." But then she asked me again, and I told her that honestly 'we are just hanging in there the best we can.' She said that she respected us for everything we are doing for Trevor. Right then I had one of those out of body experiences where I responded to her, but it wasnt until I got into the car and thought over the conversation that I really realized what I said. I said "well, I love him so it's no trouble."

That is the truth. No matter if your child has special needs or is typically developing, no matter what they just destroyed or the fact that they just hit you or pee-ed on the carpet, you love them and somehow that is just enough to keep you going.  Goodnight.