I can't sleep. I am exhausted but I think I had too much diet coke tonight because I have energy. I thought I would write a quick update.

Trevor had a good night with my parents. I mentioned his bedtime ritual. It consists of him taking him melatonin and then having his shower (yes my 3 yr. old showers), which I feel helps him to relax and let it kick in. Apparently my mom totally undressed him before letting the water warm up and he pee-ed on the bathroom rug. That is just great.

Trevor seems totally un aware of his own body. Many 3 1/2 year olds are potty trained but he is on a completely different planet when it comes to that stuff. The only other time he pee-ed on the floor was about 6 months ago when he got away from me while I was changing a diaper. He started going on the floor in the hallway and as it hit the carpet, the wetness splashed back up at him and scared him half to death.  He had no idea what was going on. It was actually really sad.

Many people with autism are never able to be potty trained and I am prepared for that possibility. Well....as much as you can be. Diapers are expensive and gross. I dont want to be changing him when I am aging and tired. But a lot of things in life don't turn out the way you planned. Trevor's autism has caused a lot of change around here. Most of it has been difficult.

There is an older woman who lives close by that owns a laundromat. I clean it for her sometimes to earn extra money for our family. One day she asked me how things were going and I simply smiled and said, "oh, good." But then she asked me again, and I told her that honestly 'we are just hanging in there the best we can.' She said that she respected us for everything we are doing for Trevor. Right then I had one of those out of body experiences where I responded to her, but it wasnt until I got into the car and thought over the conversation that I really realized what I said. I said "well, I love him so it's no trouble."

That is the truth. No matter if your child has special needs or is typically developing, no matter what they just destroyed or the fact that they just hit you or pee-ed on the carpet, you love them and somehow that is just enough to keep you going.  Goodnight.

2/19/2011

Trevor is just getting over pneumonia. He has been home for a week from school, recovering, and we have had just about enough of each other. Last night when my husband got out of the shower he had some big scratches on his forehead-- from Trevor. Poor man. He is usually the one getting injured when Trevor has a meltdown. Last night it was because Trevor didn't want to use the nebulizer.  We have to give him medicine every 4 to 6 hrs. and the machine is pretty loud-- never a good thing for an autistic kiddo.

I think I might be coming down with Trevor's  cold.  I feel terrible today. I was laying in bed and Trevor came into the room and headed straight for the big mirrors in the bathroom. Today (like others) he attempted to 'trick' the mirrors. He stood in front of them, lifted up his shirt and stuck out his tongue and wiggled it.  Apparently his reflection did the same thing because he further 'challenged' it. He stuck his little arms straight out to the side and then slowly raised them over his head. He moved around in front of the mirror with his gaze locked on his reflection.

I know the mirror is a very curious thing for Trevor. He is trying to figure mirrors out. I remember when he first discovered them. He was just walking past it one day and suddenly he realized that it did exactly what he did. (to be honest I dont think he even knows its him looking back. Its like he thinks its this really annoying kid that keeps copying him and he is hoping to catch him making a mistake). That day he ran back and forth in front of the mirror at different speeds to see what would happen. Next he ran in front of the mirror while clapping.  He bent himself at the waist and tried to look at the mirror from upside down. He ran and got a toy from his room and brought it back and sure enough the mirror had the same toy! Ever since that day there has been an ongoing conflict between Trevor and the mirror. I wish he could talk so that I could explain to him. I wish he could recognize himself. Trevor is only 3 and I know that will come with time.

Tonight we are supposed to be going out with some friends and my parents are coming over to watch Trevor and put him to bed.  He is tricky to put to bed. There is this whole routine as well and giving him melatonin and two other meds to help him sleep. Trevor has seen many many specialists and we have a big medical suppot system.

--Okay, I'm back. Since writing the above Trevor came and grabbed my hand and dragged me to the refrigerator and threw my hand at the door handle. This is how he tells me that he is hungry. For the last week the only thing he will eat is strawberry 'Dananino' yogurt cups. He averages about 18 a day. Luckily they are only $2.14 for a pack of 6 and $1.88 on sale.  We have bought out almost every store in the area. Yesterday we went to my moms and I stopped by her grocery store and bought several more packs. I know you are probably thinking that I am an irresponsible mother to allow my child to eat nothing but yogurt--unless you have a child with autism.  Then you know that if that is what he wants- then I have no choice. Yesterday I pinned him down and fed him a gold fish cracker and he almost vomited it up. Then he started shouting nonsense and growling at me. I shouldn't have forced him, but he is so skinny and just a week ago he loved them. I thought I could remind him how good they are and he would smile and show me some love. On top of that his bowel movements have been something out of a horror movie. A terrible shade of pale spring green and about he consistency of soft serve. Yesterday my mom changed one in the morning and my husband changed the other! Yeah!  And now I have two people that unserstand my pain. Right now he smells pretty foul and so I better go and tend to my motherly duties.

Tomorrow I will try to post a picture of him with the nebulizer mask on. He is so cute! Happy Saturday!